___forever be true

'cuz we lost it all
nothing lasts forever
i'm sorry i can't be perfect
now it's just too late
and we can't go back
i'm sorry i can't be perfect..

this song has been stuck in my head.. the lyrics are so simple, yet convey so much. i know i hurt the ppl i luv at times, by being mean, being insensitive, unsympathetic at times. i dun really mean it. i may not always show my concern and everything, but you can count on me to be there for you. i mean it. i'm not those kindda ppl who goes: you can count on me to be there for you, blahblah, then disappear for months.

i know my faults. and i do try to change for the better. not sure if my efforts are appreciated, but seems not to be the case. dunno. shihui used to call me 'ba dao' yarh? hopefully i've succeeded in changing for the better. *sigh* there aren't many ppl whom i can count on nowadays. but yikping and shihui are definately in the list.

scribbled` 6:47 PM

i'm back.. quite a num of things have happened.. like my bdae.. things i found out.. & how sum things have changed for the better.. yups. to everyone who wished me happy bdae & stuff, thanks! =D of cuz, there were still ppl who forgot. but tt's normal. not as though i know when their bdae is.. (actually, i do. geex. i'm contradicting myself.) haha. well, quite happy with the pressies i got. but anyway it's the thought tt counts. *grinx* i got a star-pillow beanie (which everyone was busy hugging).. new bag.. a braclet.. photoframe.. two small bears.. & the list has not ended for the time being cuz ppl still owe me pressies. =P xie ai was funny.. she went: red is the 'in' colour.. 'army prints' are the 'in' thing. hehs. the way she went on about how gd the bag was is sooooo amusing. hehs. this year was the first year i got a card. *sniff* no one ever bothered giving me cards before. & the card is sooooo beautifully done done by xie ai! then yikping write: i got nth to say to you.. just wish you happy bdae.. hehs. well, my sixteen bdae was certainly a memorable one.. especially with the sms my bro sent: happy bdae 'ugly' sis. may you grow more ugly. haha. evil bro right? shall take this opportunity to grumble tt once again, he ate like half of my bdae cake. every year also liddat. i ended up with two miserable pieces, while he end up with like, four? stoopid guy. oh yarh.. went orchard tt day after sch & sure had fun. took neoprints. hehs. looked ugly but who cares. was just glad eileen was around.

blessings of the day: all the ppl tt i luv.
cuz w/o them, my life would be so empty.

scribbled` 10:59 AM

it's only the second day of 2oo4 & i've already cried. =/ feeling miserable.. eileen got transfered to e4.. eileen tan, my bestest fren in 3e5*o3, whom i had heart-to-heart talks with, whom was sort of 'my other twin' in class. i've been fighting the urge to cry all day.. & the tears are all just flooding now. but i guess i'm happy for her.. cuz in e4, there's meijuan, joys, felicia.. so guofeng wun say tt eileen dun bother to go find them & everything.. then she wun be unhappy over friendship problems like last year.. *sigh* but i feel really lost. once it was confirmed eileen was transfering, i just wanted to cry.. & i almost broke down in class. now my tears wun stop. i keep telling myself it's of no use to cry.. but i'm still crying. i wish everything can go back to how it was like in 3e5*o3. eileen would be sitting beside me, we would be suan-ing, laughing & everything. now tt she's no longer beside me, i seriously miss the times with her. sure, i'll see her around sch, but things are no longer the same..

gonna make another resolution.. not to cry so much. but i really felt so lost. once i entered the class, all i felt was gloom. everyone was happily talking to the ppl near them.. i was the only person without a partner.. & i was sitting in the first row. wasn't at first, but everyone wanted to sit at the back, so they moved the tables & chairs of the first row to the back.. i stuck out like a sore thumb.. felt absolutely down, over the loud din my class was making. was so lost.. like the walls are closing in on me.. i kept trying to focus on happy thoughts.. but i just couldn't cheer up.. it was one of the worst feelings i ever had.. hai. eileen, cher chuan, adeline, lin hang, boon tat, huaxiong, yiling, jun rong got transfered over to e4.. varun, shane, umar, afiq, kian siong, padma, sangitah, & radiah got transfered over. a total of eight ppl. & out of those who were transfered away, two came frm 2e6*o2. those tt transfered to e4 were mostly my closer frenx in class. imagine how i felt? ugh.

maybe now tt eileen's not around, i'll concentrate more on studies. no one to talk to anyway. so i wun be busy talking.. not tt i ever really was. oh well. what i said came true. i said tt i'll be quieter this year.. no one believed me. now they gotta believe. no one for me to talk to. there is larh, but just friendly talk. hai. i miss eileen. now then i know how big a role she played in my life.. i miss the times we would drag each other to toilet, i miss the times when we would be happily laughing at sum lame joke, i miss getting frustrated at her. we used to do everything together. we used to laugh together. we used to copy hw together. we used to have recess together. we used to talk about guys. we used to. hai.. i already feel the distance growing between us.. i feel happy for her when i see her smiling, laughing when she's with meijuan they all.. but.. *sigh* dun want to say liao larh.. otherwise cry again.

to think i was soooooo looking forward to going back to sch.. big mistake. blessings of the day: frenx like shihui. i know i act like an idiot at times & stuff. but i luv you guys. & shihui? i wouldn't mind going like practically everywhere with you like today. for you are my v. v. v. close fren. in fact, didn't feel so sad when i was with you.. *hugs* luv you all.. and eileen..

scribbled` 6:05 PM

today is the first day of year 2oo4, marking a brand new start of a year, so happy new year to each & every one of you! might change blog addy.. not sure, but will inform you ppl if i do change larh. *grinx* i'm kindda tired now.. got dragged along to take photos with my 100-year-old great grandma today morning. she looks v. blur. & i seriously can't stand my stuck-up relatives. ugh. after tt i went about causeway point to find a sch bag.. & i found a pencil box which i'm most probably gonna buy. it's so cute! it's black in colour & it says: sheep world, & there's a pic of a sheep. aww. it's so me! haha.. well, gotta go back to sch tml.. not tt i really mind. afterall i can get to see my frenx again.. yay..

2oo4's gonna be a tough year.. with the o'levels and everything.. gotta pull up my ankle socks & hit the books.. anyone up for studying sessions? time sure flies.. three years ago on this day, i was so not looking foward to entering bbss, for it was my third choice. but now? mann.. i can't wait to go back.. i miss my frenx, my teachers, everything! plus can see -ahem- marh. hehe. & exactly one week later it's gonna be my bdae. yay. hope it's gonna be nice. it's not called sweet sixteen for nth right? & i want the eeyore. small version will do. it's so cute! well, i'm not gonna ask for it. maybe huiling they all will buy. but they thought weilong was buying it larh. haiyo. i shall not spoil my mood by speaking of tt guy. uhms. v. out of topic now. haha. back to new year. well, i decided to make new year resolutions.

o1.study hard
o2. a stronger spiritual life.
o3.be a nicer person
o4.count my blessings w/o fail.

my blessings of the day: urms. my frenx!
hee. i do luv most of them to bits.. *grinx*

scribbled` 11:24 PM